


Love, JZ

by wildlyfuriousdragon



Series: Return to Sender [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Early Mornings, Love Letters, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, While You Were Sleeping - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 09:14:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6651880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildlyfuriousdragon/pseuds/wildlyfuriousdragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack's never been good at talking, so he writes it down instead. </p><p>An Excerpt:<br/>But, I have you now and it’s that thought alone that keeps me sane. I know what your mouth tastes like, I know what you sound like when my head’s between your legs, I know how to stroke you just right and make your voice drop an octave, I know how to make you laugh till you cry, I know how you look right before you fall apart so beautifully for me. I know how you look in my clothes, in my bed, in my house (in my shower) and I can’t believe it. And I’m not even trying to sound remotely smug; the first time you sucked me off I lasted about a minute. (it was the closest I’ve been to a religious experience crisse). But I'm getting off topic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love, JZ

**Author's Note:**

> Everything that has a dash through it Jack erased completely and Bitty can't see it. All mistakes are mine and I do not write the amazing-ness that is Check!Please. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr @wildlyfuriousdragon
> 
> ***Now beta'd by the_boring_teacher.***

_Mon Cher,_

            I don’t know if I should start this letter off by saying I love you, or wait to the end. I guess that it really doesn’t matter; I say it all the time anyway. Sometimes I think that I say it too much and that one day it’ll lose its significance. Maybe it’s because I’m so bad with words but most of the time I can’t articulate how happy you make me feel and _‘I love you’_ is the closest I can get to expressing that. So yes, Eric Richard Bittle, I love you very much.

It is 4:30 right now and I know that you won’t be awake until at least noon, but I won’t chirp you on it (we did go to sleep pretty late). Sometimes I feel bad whenever you visit; it seems like the only thing we do is have sex, but I can’t keep my hands off of you, especially when I see you everyday but can’t hold you. I make _plans_ Bitty, I really do. I know we can’t wander Providence with as much freedom but I swear to you I Google ‘fun home date ideas’ at least once a week (I guess I should say here that nothing here can be used or chirped against me). It’s gross and romantic I know, but then you walk through that front door and I can’t even think straight (no pun intended). I’m not even blaming you; I’m blaming these embarrassing 15 year old hormones that I’ve seemingly just discovered.

Since the day I met you you’ve done that. Just fucked up my perfectly good plans.

I had a pretty simple plan when I got into Samwell. I was going to get my degree, play hockey, get drafted, and finally become that person everyone wanted me to be. THE Zimmermann boy. THE Wonderkid. It was actually going smoothly for a while. I met Shitty and Lardo and everyone else. Things were fine.

I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you at Faber. You just looked friendly and so warm (a tad uneasy and scared) I thought the ice was going to melt under you. I felt like I was leaning too far in a chair; you know that split second when you’re sure you’re going to fall? I thought I was having an anxiety attack my heart was beating so fast. Then we introduced ourselves and the name Zimmermann didn’t even faze you. (I was so far gone by then it was ridiculous. I felt like I could have a clean slate with you _tu-comprends_?). You just smiled politely (insert Southern Gentlemen joke here) and looked away when I scowled at you. I guess I figured it out right then. I thought if I could learn to hate you I could shake this ridiculous crush of mine.

Bitty I _tried_. **_HARD._** And I’ve never been happier that I’ve failed at something.

It was all downhill from there I guess. I just kept falling until it didn’t feel like falling anymore.

~~I get why I was so scared now. The last time I fell in love I had to choose between them and hockey- and I chose hockey and lost both of them in the process. I guess I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you too.~~

#

 

I stopped writing for a minute to make some coffee. And since it doesn’t have a million different flavors and whips and mochas I’m going to assume the smell won’t wake you up. (I still don’t understand how you even drink that pumpkin stuff. It is way too sweet and it’s not healthy).

Well since you’re not awake, and you can’t argue with me, I get to apologize. I’m sorry about the situation we’re in because it is truly my fault. I know you came to Samwell to be out about being gay and you got to do that. Then you get a chance to be in this relationship and it has to be a secret. I feel like I put you back on square-one and I feel like shit. ~~It makes me think you would be better without me. I’m terrified that maybe you’ll wake up one day and realize that I’m not worth the trouble. I’m even more terrified of the fact that I’ll have nothing convincing to say to stop you from leaving.~~

(I also know for a fact that to a degree the girlfriend thing bothers you. Remember that weekend you came over, after Tater did the whole SO segment on the Providence video thing and he wouldn’t stop asking about my ‘girlfriend’? ~~I’m considering telling Tater the truth so he’ll lay off with this girlfriend shit.~~ You spent all that afternoon (before a game no less) leaving hickeys and bruises and scratches up and down my back. It was no doubt the hottest thing that has ever happened to me and all you said afterwards was ‘Tell them your girlfriend did it’. It was also the most (effective) passive-aggressive thing you’ve ever done. (Do you know how long it took me to convince the other Falconers in the locker room that I hadn’t been attacked? That someone who loves me caused that much damage) ~~I am pacified by the fact that when you do wake up you'll have your own impressive set of marks~~

But, I have you now and it’s that thought alone that keeps me sane. I know what your mouth tastes like, I know what you sound like when my head’s between your legs, I know how to stroke you just right and make your voice drop an octave, I know how to make you laugh till you cry, and I know how you look right before you fall apart so beautifully for me. I know how you look in my clothes, in my bed, in my house (in my shower) and I can’t believe it. And I’m not even trying to sound remotely smug; the first time you sucked me off I lasted about a minute. (it was the closest I’ve been to a religious experience  _crisse_ ).

I don’t want you to think that this is just a physical thing, I love everything about you. Like, I know for a fact that if I woke up one morning and said ‘Fuck hockey I want to do something else’ you’d be behind me. No shock, you’d just continue rolling your pie crust and ask me what I wanted to do instead. ~~Most people see me as Jack ‘Hockey’ Zimmermann and you know (and love) Jack Laurent Zimmermann.~~ You watch WW2 documentaries with me, you convinced me to buy a new camera even when I said I wouldn’t have time for photography ~~(and I don’t not really, but I have about 1000 pictures of you just being you and as Lardo says ‘art is art bro’ and you are a work of art I swear)~~. You’re selfless and honest and kind and I don’t think you know how much I look up to you (or down to you haha).   

You do things without expecting anything in return. You bake me pies regularly and won’t take money for it ~~(so I send it to Chowder and ask him to put it in the sin-bin)~~. I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve you. It reminds me of this time my grandfather tried showing me a magic trick, but instead of pulling a dollar from behind my ear, he gave me a hundred on accident (how he got that confused with Canadian currency I'll never know). You could see it in his face that he’d made a mistake, but he’d also seen how excited I’d been and just let me have it. I feel like God gave me you on accident (you’re out of my league in ways I can’t explain) and now he feels too bad to take you back.

~~Or maybe he knows how much of a fuckin' wreck I'd be without you.~~

#

 

I just spent some time reading what I’ve written so far and yeah you can never speak of this. Not to me, not to God, not to Senõr Bun, no one. I feel like Nicholas Sparks just jizzed on some Twilight fanfiction. Shit half of this is cheesy as hell. (Speaking of, did you know there is fanfic of us? I wouldn’t want you to read it because whoever is writing this has unusual faith in our ‘athletic stamina’ and the size of my dick and I wouldn’t want you to be disappointed. There’s actually quite a bit about the team in general- I’m pretty sure Shitty and Holster are writing it. Perhaps they’ve hired Nursey as well.)

            I guess this would be a good time to tell you that my parents probably know about us or at the very least know that I’m with someone. But they’re also in love with you so I don’t think it’ll be much of a problem. My mother insists that I invite you over every time I call her; she has said on several occasions that she is ‘insulted’ that you haven’t at least had dinner with us. We should do that soon. Maybe we can buy a pie for dessert (I’m not even joking as soon as I wrote that I heard you stir in the bedroom. I'm legitimately terrified) 

            You just text me to ask where I was. I guess I’ll lay back down with you, although I doubt I’ll go back to sleep. I won’t mind being curled next to you. I am never (and never will be) bothered by the idea of being in bed with you.

I hope whenever you read this that you’re having a good day, and that you remember that

~~I love you so much it hurts.~~

~~I want to marry you.~~

~~I want you to live here with me.~~

~~I don’t ever want you to leave.~~

~~Would you marry me if I asked?~~

~~I want to buy a house with you and get a dog and maybe adopt some kids if you wanted.~~

~~I’m so in love with you it’s terrifying.~~

~~I’d come out tomorrow if you asked.~~

~~Please don’t leave me. I’m sure I’d die if I did.~~

~~I wasted so much fucking time.~~

~~Don’t get hurt when I’m not there to have your back.~~

                                                                                                I Love You,

                                                                                                            JZ

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I cried writing this. THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!! :D
> 
> *And for all those wondering, Jack slipped this into Bitty's overnight bag. When Bitty found it and read it, he half sobbed half laughed until Chowder knocked on his door and asked him what was wrong. Later Bitty tweets: this boy and the only thing the SMH team can hear is a very high-frequency noise for the duration of the night.


End file.
